When I would be speaking with family, I’d be THINKING about the food we’d be having for our family dinner. 

When we were having dinner and I’d finished my plate, I wouldn’t feel satisfied until I’d stuffed myself until it physically hurt my stomach as it had stretched so much because I didn’t have the ability to sense when I was SATISFIED.

When I said “No thank you”, to dessert, I’d be secretly planning on the binge I would have later that evening when everyone would be asleep.

I couldn’t concentrate during the family games because I’d be following the chocolate tin being passed around.

And when it finally got to me, I’d say something like, “No thank you.” TRYING to be strong, only to find myself burying my head in it early hours of the morning, UNCONSCIOUSLY pigging out on them until I realised I’d eaten them all.

Then PANIC would hit me and I’d have to get up early in the morning before everyone woke up to run to the shop across the road to replace all that chocolate I had scoffed down!

THIS ISN’T EVEN HALF THE STUFF I’D GET UPTO AT ANY EVENT!!!

Then the day after, on the verge of killing myself, hunched over the toilet—my usual abode. I’d have enough strength to stay strong, I’d promise myself, one last time…

“This time, I’m done with all this $HIT!”…
“I’m gonna STOP doing this to myself”…

BUT by the 3rd day of P/B free, I’d be hunched over the toilet at work, vomiting all the $hit I’d consumed that day— again.