I Stressed Because I Binged
How binge eating ate all my time, made me stress all day which then triggered me to binge eat even more
When I was OBSESSED with food 24/7, I felt as though I DIDN’T have time!
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I felt stressed pretty much every single waking moment of the day.
From the moment I woke up, I’d stress about what to eat for breakfast.
I’d stress about what I wanted to eat, but then stress about what I SHOULD eat instead.
Then I’d stress about what I finally ate.
Then I’d stress until lunch time.
I’d stress about wanting to eat again, even though I’d just had breakfast.
I’d stress right until lunch time.
Consumed by food thoughts.
I’d try to distract myself in the meantime…
But all I could think about was the breakfast that I SHOULD have had!
And then I’d stress some more because now, I’d be stressing about what to have for lunch.
I’d stress about whether I SHOULD have what I really wanted for breakfast, or whether I SHOULD be ‘good’ again.
I’d also stress because I hadn’t been productive that morning because I’d been stressing too much about what I’d eaten, what I ate, and what I was going to eat for lunch.
I’d stress about my morning.
Until lunch… and then, on this particular day, I’d chosen to eat a healthy lunch.
BUT… I’d stress after lunch because I didn’t feel satisfied.
I was still hungry.
So I’d stress again because I was confused. I’d wonder why the f¥ck I was still hungry when I’d eaten breakfast AND lunch!
So I’d stress about thinking I was still hungry!
I’d stress all afternoon.
Until I clock watched until my ‘REGULAR’ 4pm snack time.
Diets Didn't Help My Eating Disorder
Today, I decided to ‘INTUITIVELY’ eat… and eat the damn cake that I’d been FANTASISING since I woke up.
Chanting my mantra… (what I was TOLD to chant to help me recover)…
“I deserve to eat this cake.”
“It’s OK to eat this cake.”
BUT…
No sooner had I taken the last bite of that cake…
The VOICES were even LOUDER that day!
“Oh you’ve bloody done it now!”
“You’ve RUINED it!”
“You’re SO FAT!”
“How the F¥CK are you going to EVER lose weight when you keep stuffing your face!”
And the irony was, I DIDN’T even enjoy the cake!
I was in a dizzy, hypnotised kind of trance. A mixture of ecstasy and stress.
Knowing all the time I was chanting, “I deserve to eat this,” it was a BIG FAT LIE!
I DIDN’T believe a F¥CKING word I was saying. Who was I really kidding????!!!!
So I stressed even MORE!
My head felt like it was going to explode.
I couldn’t concentrate on my work for the rest of the day.
I’d be BIG TIME STRESSING!
Stressing about that damn cake!!!
Reprimanding myself, and using loads of, shudda, cudda, wudda kind of statements.
“I shudda ate an apple”
“I cudda ate my healthy rice cake”
“I wudda been on the way to losing that last bit of weight”
My mind was FULL of self berating thoughts.
Right until the second hand on the clock hit the exact going home time, and I was already halfway out my office door.
Only to find myself in a frenzy.
I Binged Ate Because I Binged
Well, of course, I did what was natural to resolve my stress.
EASE the pain.
SOOTHE the stress.
CALM the nerves.
I went to the nearest supermarket and bought ALL my regular favourite BINGE foods.
But I couldn’t WAIT until I got home. So I popped into a couple of fast food restaurants first and demolished a couple of meal deals; eating like a starved convict, barely tasting the food.
Then munching all the way home on the train…
Until I’d finish the remaining junk on my bed, before collapsing; feeling exhausted and in absolute AGONY.
But it didn’t end there.
The voices that I managed to quieten down for a few precious hours, had now returned in FULL volume.
“You IDIOT!”
“What have you done??!!!”
“How can you live like this?”
“You’re going to be FAT forever!”
“You’re pathetic”
“No wonder you’re fat”
“You don’t deserve to be thin”
“You’re such a loser”
“You’re so weak!”
“You may as well not exist!”
Then I’d cry myself to sleep.
I’d wake up feeling like $hit in the morning, and the cycle would start ALL OVER AGAIN!
“I SHOULD eat only salad today because I was a pig yesterday”.
BUT… I’d stress about what I wanted to eat instead.
I’d stress about what I’d learned about ‘intuitive eating’ because I TRIED that yesterday and it triggered me!
I’d stress again, and again, and AGAIN.
For OVER 22 years, my days were pretty much the same.
Some days we’re a variety of TRYING to eat intuitively, some days I’d stick to my healthy eating regime, some days I’d binge all day, and some days were just a mixture of all of them combined.
Binge Eating Ate My Time!
Why do I think I suffered from food obsessions for over 22 years?
Because on the days I stuck to my ‘healthy regime,’ I felt GOOD. I felt powerful.
Because on the days I BINGED, I was HIGH for those few precious hours. I was buzzing with all the sweetness of the junk exploding in my mouth.
Because the HIGH and the moments of power gave me the FALSE sense of hope (the LIE I was constantly telling myself) that I would beat my disordered eating one day.
But I didn’t realise, THAT ‘one day,’ would turn into 22 gruelling years.
I was caught in that LIE. My life was one big ILLUSION!
Now, after being RECOVERED for over 12 years, with NO RELAPSE, one significant thing I’ve also noticed when I stopped binge eating, was that I had MORE time!
Mega loads of time!
✅ Time to do my work efficiently.
✅ Time to visit friends and family.
✅ Time to take on hobbies.
✅ Time to take a break.
✅ Time to ENJOY life.
Time.
Does any of this resonate with you?
If so, if you want to STOP those vicious cycles for good, and want to find out how I broke FREE from binge eating and food obsessions (FAST), click on the button below to apply for a free exploration call.
Do you binge when you’re stressed?
Do you stress because you binged?
Do you realise how much time you use up thinking about food or your weight?
Does binge eating affect any other parts of your life?
I’d love to hear whether any of this resonated with you too, comment below and share your binge eating dilemmas.
Freebie!
Before you go…
Fancy grabbing yourself
The BEST mini eBook EVER?!!!
19 Mind-hacks & tips to
STOP binge eating on JUNK food FAST!
Updated 2022 = Now 20 easy mind hacks to help you recover for good!
Don’t miss out on valuable tips mailed directly to your inbox:
– Mind hacks
– NO dieting tips
– Life hacks
– Subconscious Healing Promotion EXCLUSIVE to Satiable Family Member’s only!
Just add your email address below.
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